


Fucked Up, Damage Control

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, because that's what we're all here for, but eh, fuck it, have a great day, innit, lots of the sexy times, probably too much smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-13 04:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2137722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry feels neglected and has sex with Louis' sister, and then things spiral out of control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fucked Up, Damage Control

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: this is utter shit.
> 
> M'pologies.

 

It was way back in the X Factor days when Louis first let Harry fuck him. They will, both, always remember that first night, when Harry hovered above him, and eased his cock deep into the older boy with a deep groan of pleasure. 

 

They both came simultaneously, Harry into the condom and Louis onto both of their stomachs and torsos, and it was over within minutes.

 

As Harry grew taller, and Louis came to be slightly more insecure, they began to make it more of a routine; Louis would top one night, Harry the other.

 

Only it got a little out of hand, with Harry developing an extremely dominant side, that would come out during sex. So most nights, Harry would pin Louis down and pound into him, head tipped back and mouth open, eyes shut tight and whimpering obscene things, while Louis would grip his trembling thighs and come over and over from sensitivity.

 

Only when Harry once lost all control and made Louis cry, cock twitching red and coming painfully dry, that he saw how things needed to change. 

 

He surrendered to Louis, swearing that he would top once a month, if that, and only when Louis asked. The older boy agreed, and from then on Louis topped in bed.

 

~oo~

 

"HARRY!" Louis screamed, pace quickening as his fists gripped the sheets and his knees started to slip down from where they had been holding him up. He forced himself to look down, and saw Harry's arse in the air, shaking with each thrust. 

 

Harry was so submissive, taking his cock like a good boy. He told the younger lad just that as he spilled his load deep inside him, panting and wheezing. By the sounds of it, Harry came too, with a low moan, rutting a little against the sheets.

 

He then rolled off him and collapsed beside him on their bed, reaching over to stroke Harry's curls with a weak hand outstretched. "I love you." He whispered, and then took his hand away and curled into himself, falling asleep.

 

Harry lay awake, and when he was sure Louis' breath had evened out, he quietly slipped out of bed and went out to the kitchen, where he poured himself a glass of water.

 

He leaned back against the counter, sipping his drink, and watching the door of their bedroom warily. He wondered whether Louis would let him fuck him tomorrow, if he made him breakfast and sucked up to him like a proper child. 

 

Probably not, he thought bitterly, and put the glass into the sink with a little more force than necessary.

 

He turned and leaned over the sink, weight on his palms where they were digging into the marble, and exhaled. Louis hadn't let him top for five months, and Harry loved Louis with an intense heat, but he had needs. Needs that required being met. And if Louis wouldn't let him meet them, then Harry would need to start searching for alternatives.

 

Harry's love for his other half, for the love of his life, for the ray of sun that was his beautiful, beautiful boyfriend Louis, meant that taking anything by force would kill him, would burn him alive with self-loathing. Harry could never hurt Louis, that was one thing of which he was certain.

 

He could pay someone, he thought cautiously. But he quickly cast the thought aside. Sleeping with anyone outside of his close circle of friends would run the risk of rumours, accusations, and the media finding out. Right now, the last thing he needs is the press in his face about whether he cheated on his boyfriend, when only recently had that story come out.

 

He considered asking one of the boys. Zayn was out of the question, as he was both married, and straight as a ruler. Liam with his unrequited love for Zayn meant that he too was off limits. And Niall was... Well Niall would probably do it to please him, and leave him feeling like he'd taken advantage of his willing personality. And besides, he loved the boys too much to involve them in something like this.

 

He sighed and pushed himself away from the counter, fingers drumming irritably against his thigh. He reluctantly re-entered the bedroom and crawled back into the bed. 

 

In Louis' sleep he muttered something, and Harry leant forwards to hear it, but the older boy fell silent again, licking his lips and turning away from him to press his face into the pillow on the other side of him.

 

Harry just looked down, pursing his lips, and eased his own head down into the pillow. He closed his eyes and waited patiently for sleep.

 

~oo~

 

He awakes to an empty bed, and cursed for not setting his alarm. Groggily, with sleep clumped in the corners of his eyes, he throws the covers away from his body, and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He can faintly hear Louis in the kitchen, singing softly while he presumably made breakfast.

 

"Told you not to cook, Lou," Harry murmurs into his boyfriends ear when he gets close enough to wrap his arms around his waist. Louis leans back into the touch, smiling.

 

"Its just yogurt, love." He grins, nuzzling back against Harry's neck. Its moments like these when he feels so in love with this tall, curly boy, with his boy, that he is afraid his heart will burst.

 

"Well then I'd better get on with the cooked breakfast to accompany it, eh?" Harry kisses the older boy's neck before separating them to get the food from the fridge.

 

"You really are the perfect man, aren't you Haz?" Louis chuckles, though he really means it.

 

But Harry remains silent, eyes cast downwards. Of course, he thinks. You get to fuck me, and I make you breakfast. I really am perfect.

 

"You alright, babe?" Louis asks, voice cheery despite his words of concern. Harry just spits out a fake laugh that his boyfriend has gotten so used to that he thinks its just his laugh, and apologises.

 

"What've you got to be sorry for?" Louis laughs. "Come here, you," and he pulls Harry into a hug that he supposes is meant to be warm but really just feels forced.

 

"I just couldn't sleep all that well without your arms around me," Harry mumbles. And that is true, but Harry is so used to it now that it's not much of an issue.

 

"Oh, love," Louis whispers, and tightens his grip on the other boy, pressing his lips to his neck. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry baby."

 

Harry leans into the embrace, allowing himself to forget the bitterness, and closes his eyes, body relaxing. And Louis feels it, because he slowly releases him and leans up to kiss him. Little does he realise, unlike Harry, that this is the first time he's kissed him without it being before or during intercourse, in at least a week.

 

"Do you want to go back to bed?" Louis asks quietly, arms around Harry's neck to pull him impossibly close. "We can just cuddle, if you like. I know we've been having sex, like, a lot recently. We can have a break from that for a while, if you want? I can hold you, and kiss you, and stuff instead..?"

 

Harry just nods, and let's Louis lead him back into bed. Louis arranges them so that Harry is curled up into Louis chest, and Louis can lean down to connect their lips. He does just that, dragging it out with his fingers in Harry's curls, scratching at his scalp just the way he likes it.

 

"Lou, I want to ask you something." Harry whispers. Louis just nods, eyes wide and attentive. So Harry takes a breath, and meets his gaze.

 

"I want to fuck you." He says. Louis' expression doesn't change for a minute or two, and Harry begins to get anxious. He's about to repeat himself when Louis apparently wakes up, and furrows his brows.

 

"But that's all we've been doing for the past few weeks, Haz?" He says almost defensively.

 

Harry looks down, shaking his head. "Yes, we've been fucking. But you always top, like, always."

 

"But that's just what we do." Louis says.

 

"Have you forgotten, then?" Harry all but cries out. Louis looks taken aback, but shakes his head quickly.

 

"I remember." He says, so softly it might as well have been silent.

 

They lie there for a while, neither speaking up, and neither expecting the other to either. Eventually, Louis breaks the silence.

 

"Okay." He says.

 

"Really?" Harry can't conceal his surprise. Louis smiles gently, nodding.

 

"Tonight." He promises. It sounds like a promise, Harry thinks. "Tonight, I'll let you fuck me."

 

"I love you, Louis." Harry says. He can tell that his heart didn't sound quite like it was in it, can tell that Louis probably feels like Harry didn't really mean it, not in that moment. But he kisses Harry's hair all the same.

 

~oo~ 

 

They go out together to go shoe shopping, Louis buying a pair of grey-blue vans and Harry another two pairs of brown leather boots. Louis laughs at him, and kisses him against their car, with the fans squealing and Harry feeling like he's floating. 

 

Louis lips are soft, but urgent, as he snogs him for the cameras, and the part of Harry that would normally think about how Louis was doing it for the photographs and not for him, goes to sleep for a while. 

 

Then, Louis opens his door for him, like a proper gentleman, and drives them home. And that part of Harry is asleep for the whole ride home, for Louis holds Harry's hand across the gear stick like he'll never let him go.

 

~oo~

 

"Let's go to bed," Louis yawns against Harry's chest after the romantic meal Harry cooked for him has been eagerly devoured. Harry lifts him up and carries him to the bedroom, where he puts him on their bed. He then crawls on top of him and kisses his jaw.

 

But then Louis turns his head away when Harry goes to kiss his lips. "Harry, love, I'm really tired."

 

Harry frowns, because he's been tired before, and Louis has still fucked him mercilessly into the mattress. "But Lou," he pouts.

 

"Tomorrow, babe. I swear. I'm just so tired, y'know?" Louis scrunches up his face as he yawns again, and so Harry sighs and rolls off him.

 

"Of course," Harry says, biting back the bitter tone and replacing it with the sweet-loving-boyfriend tone. Louis smiles gratefully and turns off the light.

 

He forgets to hold him in his sleep, and Harry forgets to care.

 

~oo~

 

The next morning Harry wakes up to Louis sitting in bed palming himself, eyeing Harry and biting his lip. "I'm so hard," he murmurs, batting his eyelids. "Need something..." He waits, eyes falling shut as he squeezes his cock. "...inside me."

 

Harry inhales sharply, his own cock twitching. "Oh Louis," he growls. "Oh baby."

 

"Yes?" Louis whispers innocently.

 

Harry rolls onto his side and begins to mouth across Louis' chest, hand coming down to join Louis' where it pulls at his length. Harry moves up and connects their lips, eyes open and locked in a love-stare that could only be broken by-

 

"Shit," Louis gasps, hearing his ringtone. He tries to get to it but Harry holds him in place. "Harry," he protests, now glaring.

 

"Leave it," Harry says, and it sounds more like a plea than a demand.

 

"Can't." Louis moans as Harry closes his fist around his cock, pumping urgently.

 

"Yes you can." Harry insists. "For me."

 

Louis closes his eyes, hips bucking up into Harry's fist, and then spurts cum into it.

 

"Louis!" Harry hisses.

 

Louis moans and gets up, tripping over his own feet to get to the phone. He picks it up and answers it, avoiding Harry's eye.

 

"Mum?" He asks, voice coming out in a whine. "What is it?"

 

There's a pause, and then Louis speaks again. "Fine, yes, whatever." And then; "Sure, yes, okay. Yes. Yes."

 

He hangs up the phone and throws it on the floor. "We're going to see my mum tomorrow." He says in an icy tone, and then walks out of the room, pulling his slacks up and slamming the door.

 

~oo~

 

They left that night, with a shared suitcase thrown into the boot of the car and thick air between them. The drive is longer than usual, due it traffic, and Louis has hit his head on the steering wheel a total of seven times in the past hour.

 

"Lou, stop it." Harry snaps when he does it again. "I can't fuck you if you have brain damage."

 

"So that's all you care about, huh? Fucking me?" Louis snarls, slamming his forehead down again with a loud thump. Harry growls.

 

"Surely its the other way around." He retorts.

 

Louis laughs bitterly and then punches the horn five times, making the car screech loudly.

 

"You're embarrassing yourself, Lewis." Harry says in a spiteful tone.

 

"And you're being a child."

 

"Oh, oh I'm the child now?" Harry scoffs indignantly. He then imitates Louis actions with hitting the horn over and over.

 

Louis snorts, and throws the car forwards when there's a gap big enough between their car and the one in front.

 

"I love you." Louis growls. 

 

"I love you too." Harry spits. It sounds like an insult.

 

"We're really fucked up, aren't we?" Louis says, and its quieter now.

 

Harry remains silent, looking down at his hands where they're in fists by his sides.  

 

"I'm sorry." Louis says finally.

 

"It's my fault, though." Harry argues, but he doesn't really believe himself.

 

"Its not." His boyfriend mutters.

 

"I know." Harry whispers. And whether Louis hears him or not, he doesn't say anything more.

 

~oo~

 

"Boys!" Jay cries happily when they pull into the driveway. Louis' face lights up instantly, and slips his hand out of Harry's from where they had been gripping one another fiercely. 

 

Harry smiles too, and its more genuine than it probably looks, because Jay has at times been like a second mother to him. He watches, eyes suddenly softer, when he sees a glimpse of the Louis Harry knew from years ago, come out to embrace his mother.

 

"Hey mum," Louis grins, blushing as she pulls him to her chest and clings to him for dear life.

 

"You should visit more often." She scolds, voice muffled where her mouth his pressed into his hair. She then let's him go, holding him out by the shoulders as if to analyse him. "You're taller." She declares.

 

"I stopped growing, like, four years ago." Louis points out, but he looks pleased. He's always been insecure about his height, Harry thinks with a small, fond smile. He then gets out of the car to join them.

 

"Jay," he greets, smiling widely as her attention is averted to him. "Its nice to see you." Harry says, a mix of polite and sincere. Louis smiles at him lovingly, and Harry realises with a pang that his eyes are smiling too, that he really is looking at him like that. Not for anyone else; just for the two of them. Like it used to be.

 

"Oh, come here," Jay grins like a cheshire cat, and Harry is towed by an invisible force towards them. His hand comes to rest on Louis' lower back to steady himself, and he feels Louis go from apprehensive and stiff to relaxed.

 

"You better come inside," she says after a few minutes. "Might rain. And besides, I had to lock the girls up to stop them from attacking you out here." Laughing, she then adds in a more serious tone; "They've missed you, Louis."

 

Louis just looks down, expression full of guilt and something that looks like regret, but Jay just smiles softly and leads them inside.

 

Almost immediately the girls are pouncing on not only Louis, but Harry too. Lottie is first to hug Harry enthusiastically, and then the twins, while Louis is getting quite overwhelmed, happy tears in his eyes. Harry makes a mental note to get him home more often, if this is how happy it makes him. 

 

Harry squeezes his shoulder comfortingly as a tear slips down his cheek, smiling so wide his cheeks are sure to ache. In this moment, Harry's hurt is replaced by love for this boy, and he just watches him in appreciation of his beauty.

 

It is then that he notices Lottie staring at him, and he turns to her and blushes as she bites her lip in what is obviously supposed to be an attempt at sexy. Harry smiles politely at her, and she giggles.

 

Lottie will now be 17, Harry calculates in his head as the young girl continues to bat her eyelashes at him. She reminds him horribly of Louis at that age, though less attractive, and far less pretty than Louis had been in his younger years, and still is.

 

Harry looks away to find Louis looking between them with something in his eyes that is a bit off, and Harry suddenly feels like he's done something awful, something very, very wrong, by the way Louis looks almost repulsed at him.

 

"Stop it." Louis says to Lottie in a low tone, and follows the twins into the kitchen. When Harry looks back to Louis' sister, she is rolling her eyes in the way only teenagers do, and then pouts her lips and stalks upstairs.

 

~oo~

 

"I can't believe her." Louis growls when they're in bed later. Harry is hovering above him, for even though Louis has said no sex with his sisters in the rooms next to him, and therefore being able to hear them through the paper-thin walls if anything were to happen, Harry distinctly remembers Louis saying nothing about kissing and grinding.

 

Harry pauses in the slow circles his hips are making as he grins down into Louis' crotch. "Who?" He asks, genuinely bemused.

 

"My sister, Harry. The one who was eye-fucking you." Louis snaps, but then apologises quietly. Harry presses his hips down, saying not to worry about it.

 

"She probably just has a petty crush on me." Harry tries to soothe. "She'll get over it."

 

"You know Stan?" Louis says bitterly.

 

"Yeah." Harry says, tone little rougher than needed. His jealousy of Louis' childhood friend, "best friend", hasn't lessened.

 

"Lottie seduced him into letting her suck him off." He says.

 

Harry rolls off Louis, deciding he isn't going to get anywhere with that, and lies back against the headboard beside Louis. "And you think the same will happen to me." Harry finishes.

 

Louis is silent.

 

"What the fuck, Louis." Harry snarls. "She's a child. I would never."

 

"And you're with me." Louis adds quietly. "Remember that?"

 

"Jesus, Lou. You think I would cheat on you? You think I could ever cheat on you?!"

 

"We're going through a rough patch." Louis whispers. His voice sounds weak, broken. "I- I would hope you wouldn't. But I just don't know."

 

Harry sneers at him in the dark and leans down to suck a large, dark love bite on his neck. Despite Louis little whines of pain rather than pleasure, he doesn't stop until the mark is a dark red-purple colour.

 

"I wish you would let me fuck you here, right now." Harry growls, and then without another word turns away from his boyfriend and closes his eyes.

 

"I'm sorry." Louis says, and its for so many things, and yet Louis isn't even sure of any of them anymore.

 

~oo~

 

The following night, Louis has made plans to go out with Stan for a drink a to catch up. Harry let's him go, though not without a possessive kiss before he leaves.

 

He's sitting in Louis' room when he hears a shy knock on the door. When he calls for them to come in, it turns out its Lottie, in a loose t-shirt and pyjama shorts. She smiles and comes to sit on the bed with Harry.

 

"Hey," Harry says cautiously. Lottie just looks down, smiling to herself, and then looks back up.

 

"Louis' told you that I'll try to hook up with you." She states.

 

Harry reluctantly nods, shifting on the bed and putting down his phone. "Something like that, yeah."

 

"And you believe him?" She asks, looking actually worried.

 

"I..." Harry struggles for words. He looks at her closely, sees she's wearing no makeup, and her hair is messed up a little. She looks much prettier without the paint smeared on her face, he thinks.

 

"Should I just go?" Lottie says in a small voice, looking hurt.

 

"N- no, stay," Harry says rushedly. He doesn't want Lottie telling either her mother, or Louis, that he upset her. Lottie just smiles shyly and crosses her legs underneath her.

 

"Thanks." She smiles. Harry just shrugs.

 

"So my brother's out with his friends. Didn't ask you to come along?" She asks, sounding innocent enough.

 

"He'd rather not have his boyfriend tagging along, I think," Harry laughs. Lottie grins.

 

"Are you two gonna get married?" She then asks.

 

"I don't know, love, perhaps one day." Harry chuckles awkwardly.

 

"You two are sweet together." Lottie says.

 

"Thankyou, love." He smiles. "I think so too."

 

"I used to fancy you quite a bit, y'know." Lottie laughs, blushing. Harry laughs too, now feeling incredibly awkward

 

"Huh." He says.

 

Lottie giggles at her lap. "Sorry, I just made it awkward." She says. Harry just shakes his head, biting his lip. "I don't anymore, so its okay."

 

"Okay..." Harry says slowly. "Maybe you should be getting to bed...?"

 

"I'm seventeen. I don't really have a bedtime." She laughs.

 

"Yeah," Harry just mumbles, feeling stupid for not being able to think of a way out of the situation.

 

"Do you want me to go?" Lottie asks cautiously.

 

When Harry stares intently at his hands, refusing to provide an answer and painfully aware of how rude he's being, she stands up.

 

"Goodnight." She murmurs, and kisses his cheek. When he doesn't move, she carefully places her lips over his and presses softly against them.

 

Harry stays still as a statue as she climbs onto his lap, frozen with apprehension. Then she combs her fingers through his hair and he closes his eyes at the feeling, opening his mouth. She takes the opportunity to slip her tongue in, and automatically his responds with gliding his tongue against hers.

 

She leans back to flick her hair out of the way, and reaches down to put his hands around her waist, before going back in. Harry kisses her back, getting used to the feeling and pushing all other thoughts aside.

 

She slips one leg between his and the other one over one of his legs, and rubs her crotch against his thigh. He raises his leg a little to allow her to fully rut against it. She begins to pant a little, reaching down to cup the growing bulge in Harry's slacks.

 

"You're hard." She whispers in his ear, ending it with a moan. "H-hard," She hiccups, grinding down more urgently.

 

His hands go to steady her, and her head falls against his shoulder, breathing heavy and eyes fluttering. He arranges himself and then lifts her leg to put it over the other one, so she's properly mounted on him. Her crotch falls over his bulge and he releases her so that she can feel his cock against her pussy.

 

"G-god," she whimpers. "You've got me so wet."

 

"Wet for me, huh?" Harry moves her in circles over his cock, eyes rolling back at the sensation of pressure on his cock. "Want me to touch you?"

 

"P-please," She whispers. Harry lifts her off him so she's lying to the side of him on the bed and slides her shorts off her hips. Her shaved pussy is dripping slick down her thighs and he groans at the sight. It's been so long since he had a woman, and seeing as he is bisexual, his body is reacting strongly to the sight. 

 

He pulls his slacks down to release his cock, which slaps against his stomach, and he begins to slide his fist up and down the length, gathering the pre-come that is pooling in beads in the slit and using it as a lubricant. He then reaches over to Lottie and rubs his finger against her clit.

 

She shudders and climbs back onto his lap. He rubs another finger against her pussy, so there are two, and then slips them into her hole. She bites back a screech, which Harry silences with his lips pressed against hers. She pushes down on his fingers, steadying herself by her hands on his shoulders, and moans into his mouth.

 

He then extracts his fingers and rubs his cock against her entrance, revelling in the feeling. "Is this okay?" He asks gently, applying a little more pressure.

 

"Put it in." She gasps, already over-sensitive. So Harry positions her so that his cock is against her entrance, and eases her down onto his length.

 

Her eyes screw shut and her mouth falls open, whining. "Hurts." She mewls.

 

"It will get better." Harry soothes, trying to bite back a loud groan at the feeling of a wet, tight heat wrapped around his cock. Eventually he bottoms out, balls pressed against her arse.

 

"Tell me when its okay to move, sweetheart," He murmurs, head thrown back. He reaches down to cup and squeeze his balls, and moans into Lottie's neck. He almost bites down, but resists. If she's seen with a hickey they're both as good as dead.

 

"N-now," she eventually gasps. Harry asks her if she's sure, and then slowly slides out. He pushes back in, tip grazing her walls and driving him crazy, and then drags his cock back out. He continues to repeat the motion until Lottie's own moans of pleasure join his.

 

"M'close, babe," Harry gasps. "I'm not weari- shit," he shudders as he almost comes, but stops himself. "A condom. No protection. Lottie get off me."

 

But Lottie shakes her head and begins to bounce on his cock, her tits bobbing up and down under her loose t-shirt, head thrown back, whimpering with how good it feels to have a big fat cock buried in her pussy.

 

"Lottie please, or I could get you pregnant." 

 

She ignores him, easing herself down and then grinding on his cock hard and slow. He gasps, thighs trembling, and flips them over. He lays her back against the pillows with her legs locked around his waist and fucks her deep and fast. 

 

Her breasts shake, nipples hard and visible through the thin fabric of her shirt and she reaches down to massage her clit shakily. All that can be heard is Harry's grunts, her moans and the slapping of skin.

 

Then Harry buries his cock deep into her and pumps his come into her, shaking violently with his intense orgasm. She throws her head back at the feeling of being filled up and orgasms too.

 

Harry pulls out and rolls off her, watching as his come leaks out of her pussy and down her arse. Suddenly he feels sober, and wretches. 

 

"Lottie go to your room," he begs her, looking away. "I'm so sorry, please go. Please."

 

Lottie just nods silently and limps to the door, wiping the come with her hand. She turns back and Harry throws her the shorts, which have flecks of come from where she was leaking, splattered on them. 

 

She pulls them on and then slips out of the room, closing the door behind her, leaving the older boy to his demons.

 

~oo~

 

Harry throws up three times before Louis gets home, and when he does eventually show up, he's too drunk to form coherent sentences, and promptly passes out on the bed. 

 

Harry cries this time while he vomits into the toilet. Jay sits with him, rubbing his back, and it just makes him wretch even more to think that it was with her daughter that he cheated on her son. 

 

He passes out eventually, into a fitful slumber. 

 

~oo~

 

"Love, what happened to you?" A hungover Louis asks in a panicked tone, kneeling beside him and shaking him awake. Harry looks at him once, manages to manouvre his head over the toilet bowl, and throws up again. Nothing comes out.

 

"Louis," he croacks feebly.

 

Louis is so tired and hungover that all he can do is drape is body over Harry's larger one in an attempt at comfort. Harry appreciates it, but wants Louis to leave him, to cut him, to hit him, to drown him, to burn him, to...

 

"Are you ill?" Louis asks worriedly. "I'll take you home. I'll nurse you back to health." Harry can hear him grinning.

 

Harry wants to actually die.

 

"I'm not ill." Harry says. I'm sick, he thinks, but in the other meaning of the word.

 

"Oh, baby," Louis coos, kissing his curls. "I do love you sometimes. Well, all of the time."

 

Perhaps this is Harry's punishment, he wonders. For Louis to love him.

 

It is at this point that Harry begins to cry. Though its more like an ugly sobbing-screeching-howling that shakes his body and soul and breaks what little there is left of him apart.

 

~oo~

 

A few months later, Lottie calls Harry, and his heart sinks.

 

~oo~

 

Louis leaves Harry that evening, when they tell him what happened. Louis cries hysterically, and Lottie goes home with her mascara running black rivers across his cheeks. 

 

Louis writes the word CHEATER across Harry's forehead and hits him twenty three times and kisses him and cries some more and he doesn't want Harry to leave so he makes him sleep on the couch.

 

~oo~

 

In the morning Louis kisses him awake and doesn't say a word to him. He feeds him toast and holds the bowl under his mouth as Harry pukes that back out.

 

Louis plays music, nothing about heartbreak, nothing about love at all, and he dances. 

 

Louis asks Harry to fuck him, and when Harry says he can't, Louis cries for two hours and a half, rounding down.

 

~oo~

 

Harry tries to stop breathing. Louis laughs at him with this cold, empty laugh at tells him that the human body will never let him do that.

 

~oo~

 

"MY LITTLE SISTER!" Louis bellows. "MY LITTLE FUCKING SIXTEEN YEAR OLD SISTER!"

 

"Kill me. Please kill me."

 

"I won't give you the satisfaction."

 

~oo~

 

They go on tour and Harry is left behind.

 

He never sings anymore, anyway.

 

He spends his days in bed with the blinds drawn, sheets rucked up and dirty with his sweat. It's like a challenge, he thinks. How fucked up can he make his life.

 

He tries to kill himself, and is sent to rehab.

 

 

 

~2 YEARS LATER~

 

 

 

"Harry." Louis whispers, voice so soft it could put Harry to sleep.

 

"I love you." Harry says. This time, he's allowed as long as he likes. There's no cell, no timer, no schedule, no rules. "I tried to kill myself."

 

"I know." Louis says gently.

 

"I'm sorry." Harry breathes. "I'm so sorry."

 

"I love you too." Louis murmurs. "Where are you?"

 

"I'm at home. At my mums."

 

"Can I see you?"

 

"Will you hit me?"

 

"Maybe." Louis laughs. 

 

"Good." Harry says. "Good."

 

~oo~

 

"We're broken." Louis explains when they're sitting cross legged in Harry's mother's garden. "Beyond repair."

 

"I know that." Harry replies.

 

"What you did was impossibly wrong."

 

"God." Is all Harry says, looking like he'll throw up.

 

"Its not okay."

 

"I can't-"

 

"But I love you. I want to marry you. I want to live with you. I want to adopt children, or use a surrogate, or just get loads of cats. I could never be complete with anyone besides you."

 

Harry starts crying again. "I love you so much." He gasps between gulping down air.

 

"We'll get therapy," Louis continues. "And maybe we won't be okay. Maybe we can't be okay ever again. But I'd rather be not okay with you than be okay with anyone else."

 

Harry hangs his head, sobbing.

 

"Hey," Louis softly, fingers tilting his lover's head up so their eyes can meet. "Don't cry."

 

"Take me home," Harry pleads. "Take me back."

 

"I am, my love." Louis leans in and kisses him. "All I want is for you to be okay."

 

"I don't deserve you." Harry protests.

 

"Its not about you, darling." Louis kisses him again. "I want you. I deserve to have whatever I want."

 

"But-"

 

"Fuck 'buts'." Louis says, and then giggles.

 

Harry falls in love with him all over again.

 

~oo~

 

It turns out they're okay. Harry goes back to laughing, and Louis learns to love him again. They sleep in each others arms and tell each-other they love each-other every single day. 

 

And when Harry remembers, and throws up, and cries, Louis holds him, and tells him he loves him, and forgives him. 

 

And when Louis remembers, and throws up, and cries, Harry holds him, and tells him he loves him, and is so, so sorry.

 

~oo~

 

They get married five years later, and their eight year old daughter Darcy and their three year old son Will are their bridesmaid and ring-bearer. 

 

They both wear suits, and look impossibly beautiful standing at the alter together.

 

Their first dance is to a song they wrote together, named Strong. And when everyone joins in, Harry kisses Louis and holds him so close they can barely breath.

 

At the end of the night, Harry rides Louis until he can't walk, and Louis feels so proud his skin glows. They whisper I Love Yous into the darkness, and they are Strong.

 

~oo~

 

Eventually, Harry's love is not laced with guilt, and Louis' love is not laced with betrayal. Their story is obviously not perfect, and is far less perfect than many, but its their story, and to them, that's all that fucking matters.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I will be editting to try and tone down the shitness. 
> 
> Kudos would be unexpected and greatly appreciated as kudos and comments and just feedback in general motivates me to put actual effort into my writing. 
> 
> It'll happen some day I swear.


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